Parashat Terumah

Rabbi Zev Leff has a beautiful interpretation of the term "Gomel Chassadim tovim " in the second bracha of the shemona esray.  He says that, by definition, a chesed is, of course, tov, good.  So why does it use the adjective?  Sometimes we want to show concern or kindness and do things for others out of pure motives, but in the end, we haven't really helped the person.

Case In Point:  when children learn to walk, they toddle along and take a few tumbles and earn a few bumps and bruises.  We don't say, "oh, you poor child, let me carry you or wheel you around so you won't hurt yourself."  We know that the tumbles are part of the process, that they help the child learn to walk.  As difficult as it might be to permit the child to experience the hurts, we know that it's necessary.  The same can be true for learning to ride a bike or skateboard or ski, or the like.

Sometimes, as children grow, we forget that we cannot shield them from everything, no matter how pure our motive.  They need to learn literally and figuratively how to stand on their own two feet, to experience what life has in store for them, so they may learn and grow from their experiences.

Wednesday's siddur party was a great example.  Some children were very nervous, even downright scared about getting on stage and presenting to the audience...but they swallowed their fear, managed it - and were wonderfully amazing.  I see the same thing with our girls' choir. Some of the students who have solo parts are petrified ( with a capital P)!  yet they go on stage, stand in front of an audience, open their mouths and simply do it.  What am amazing feat; they have proven to themselves that they can do it!  we as educators and parents might be on the sidelines holding our collective breath, but we know that we have given our children  an unforgettable experience.  We allowed them to take a risk; we have shown them our faith in them and our belief that they are very capable and competent; we have provided them an older version of learning to walk.

Turning this into other facets of children's lives, we can cite many examples in which our interventions are not chasadim tovim.  This can be in regard to doing their homework for them, to making up excuses for work not completed, to intervening in simple childhood disagreements.  Have we really helped them grow?

Sometimes we are so tempted to shield our children from the negatives of life.  Unfortunately life isn't always fun. One of the gifts we can provide our children, a real chesed tov, is to teach them how to deal with adversity.  I believe you know that we are careful about disseminating unpleasant information to our students, and when we do need to discuss negative events, whether it's disasters in the world or events in our own history, we are judicious in the information we impart.  

One of the beautiful actions we teach is caring for others.  When a child in class has a prolonged illness or loses a grandparent, fellow students are encouraged to call or write cards.  In the younger grades, students brainstorm words or phrases to use.  We believe that the time and energy put into such projects are well worth it as they enable the children to develop their caring sides.  I continually am impressed with their empathy and their ability to express themselves.  This past week, I personally have been the recipient of your children's caring as they showered me with their good wishes in light of my husband's illness.  Their facility in expressing themselves at a time that is awkward for some is admirable and most appreciated.  Gemilut chasadim tovim....acts of loving kindness are truly a chesed. Shabbat shalom (and a Refuah Shlamah for Shaul Chayim Ben Rivka Rachel) Shabbat Shalom