There is much information coming out these days about kids and their style of communicating using various formats of text messaging. This is in contrast to school, in which we stress speaking, using our words orally. We want our students to be able to talk TO each other, to communicate what’s on their minds, to let someone know how we feel, to tell someone if s/he’s hurting our feelings or making us feel uncomfortable. On the playground, we stress “use your words” to resolve any issues that might arise. We also train our children to use words to help others, to welcome new students into our classes and to invite them to play with us. We want our students to use their words for kindness, to compliment others or to help someone understand a lesson. We teach about the power of words, how they can hurt more deeply than the proverbial sticks or stones. We talk about the virtues of Shmirat Halashon, how watching what we say about people is so necessary to make us better people, to preserve everyone’s dignity and of course to fulfill the mitzvah. Tone of voice is also exceedingly important and we expect our students to utilize derech eretz in this as they perfect the art of speaking.
We also encourage our students to talk to the adults in their lives about concerns they may have or to raise questions about areas in which they feel they need guidance or would like an opinion. We ask them to discuss with their parents matters of values on perplexing issues. “What do your parents say about this?” As educators, we feel the necessity to create or strengthen the bonds between our students and you, their parents. The elementary school age is so vital to establish those lines of communication, the bonds that keep our kids tied to us as they grow – and start to grow away.
We also know that there are various ways we communicate with our children, through conversation and through our actions. Our behaviors deliver a very strong message to our children. Whether it’s in our personal interactions or everyday manners, our kids are learning from us. In this vein, I’ll repeat a reminder that I’ve said before. As you plan your Succot guest lists, please remember to include our new families in your invitations. Many people have standing “traditions” of whom they get together with over the chagim… People who are new to the community have none of these. Please, open your homes (even if they’re only the temporary ones) to people who have recently arrived or those you don’t yet know and model hachnasat orchim for your children.
In addition to all the blessings of the upcoming chagim, one of the side benefits is the increased (enforced ??) family time. It’s such a perfect time to catch up with your kids…find out what’s happening to and with them. Even if you’ve not already established great communication with your children, take advantage of this glorious opportunity to do so – and if this is in place, see how you can make the bonds even stronger. Some suggested ways to achieves this are: make meals more kid-centered or kid-friendly; listen to (and take seriously) your children’s thoughts and ideas (ala our Parent Book Club choice How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk). In an article in this summer’s edition of the “Jewish Action” magazine, published by the O-U, Rabbi Dr. Jay Goldmintz writes about the value of talking to one’s children while walking to shul together. “Children come to identify shul-going as a positive experience not because of what happened at shul but what happened along the way.”
A former shul rabbi discussed the fact that (in preparation for delivering their parents’ eulogies – sobering thought!!!), many people “mention that walking to shul with the parent was among the most meaningful time spent together.” Obviously we pray that there will not be a need for such a use for hundreds of years, but think of the investment you’re making with your children in creating and strengthening the 2-way bond. It’s something you can never recreate and it’s a fleeting moment in the parent-child relationship; capture this time and make the most of it. You might just benefit more than your children.
Also- I ask mechilah from you, our parents, if in any way I’ve offended you. I apologize if I did anything, intentionally or unintentionally, that wronged you in any way.
גמר חתימה טובה – and a chag sameach. – and a Shabbat Shalom. The Lower School Link will next be published on October 27. Susan Koss
